Sunday Night Thoughts

Happy Sunday you guys!

This week has really been eye opening for me.  I received so much positive feedback from my Thursday post Learning to Cope.  All of the emails, texts, comments and Facebook messages meant so much.  I can't thank all of you enough for your love and support as I posted something super personal.  It was really empowering.  Again, thanks for all the support, brings a tear to this little southern girl's eye.  I'm just a normal woman in her thirties trying to be honest about myself, hoping that maybe I'll inspire someone out there to get happy.  

Writing that post last week made me realize that my blog is taking on a new life form.  In the past year and a half since I started writing, I've been through every high and low you can imagine.  Losing weight, struggling to stay sane while planning a wedding, marrying my best friend, struggling through the first months of marriage, job changes, gaining weight, and then deciding to hold myself accountable again by blogging and getting my health and fitness back on track.  All of that I think lead to my struggle with wanting to be perfect.  I was trying to do so much, yet I wasn't truly fulfilled.  It's really caused me to think on how I reach out to others.  What friend am I forgetting to reach out to each week? Who can I reach that I don't know, but can identify with what I'm going through? And through it all, at the end of each and every day, can I sit back and say "Today was hard, but I am truly satisfied with me?"

That last part sounded like how Carrie Bradshaw started all of her columns...

I have to share with you guys about our Sunday, because what happened I believe is truly not by accident. This morning, we got up and went to church.  We absolutely LOVE our pastor there, who has provided us some great support in the past few months.  They have wonderful programs, services, and a budding ministry.  We were both particularly excited this morning because it was our Fall Kickoff today.  It meant a new series, new teachings, and cool things to look forward to for the next few weeks.  I always find it's refreshing to start a new series, get really in depth with it and grasp all the concepts each week.  Super awesome and I love that we kick every fall off this way.

Not to mention college football is only 4 more days away....

Ok back to the Fall Kickoff. Church was PACKED this morning.  Our usual row was full, so we sat near the front.  There were chairs in the back corners.  So cool to see so many people in a full service.  As our minister Chad got up to speak, I just felt the entire room change.  He opened by telling us that an 18 year old college freshman in our congregation had passed away at 6:00 AM this morning.  She contracted a rare infection and had gotten really sick while on campus.  Her parents of course immediately rushed to take care of her last week.  Her condition got worse and she lost her fight early this morning.

We.  Were.  Stunned. 

As Chad continued to talk, I could just watch everyone around me start to hug their children or lean on their spouse's shoulder.  A life gone way too soon that impacted all of us, whether we knew her or not.  As he continued, he mentioned that even with all of the new comers in church this morning and all of the planning that took place for Fall Kickoff, that he felt lead to speak a different message.

Pause for effect.  My heart completely stopped for a second.  My dad is a retired minister and I truly know and understand how much thought, time and prayer goes into a Sunday sermon.  I watched him start his weeks off for 30 years reading and studying.  When Sunday morning rolled around, he was focused like an Olympic athlete ready to win a gold medal.  It's incredible how determined and rock solid he was all of that time.  To totally change your message is like jumping off a cliff blindfolded.  

As the sermon continued, he spoke about how we are all called to love just as Jesus loved the church. That we are to live out His message in our every day lives.  To know that life is not permanent and that our time may come today, tomorrow, or maybe 20 years from now really hit home with me. I sat next to J rubbing his hand thinking about how quickly 4 years has gone by for us, and now 9 months of marriage.  It all just keeps on going, we get older, and we truly never know what day is our last. One thing that he mentioned is that you could have all the money in the world, big houses, boats, things, but you could be surrounded by all of that and never be fulfilled.  Our fulfillment can only come from God.

WOW.  Talk about bringing my last post to the forefront of my mind. I've filled my life not really with things, but with activity.  I got involved teaching spin (which I love).  At one point 4 years ago, I taught Spanish to a small church group.  I loved that too.  I babysit sometimes.  I dog sit/house sit when I can.  We got a dog that likes to eat all kind of craziness and cause us stress.   I took on more responsibility at work at times.  In all of that, I lost time for me.  Seeing my friends.  Going to dinner with 3 girlfriends that I cherish more than they know.  Working out.  Making time for my husband when he really needed me.  Taking the time to travel to see my family. 

As the service ended, a lot of tears flowed as we remembered this sweet girl that went home early this morning.  Probably shouldn't have worn any makeup to church today, hah! As J and I drove to breakfast, he said to me something that again clicked deep within me and made me think.  He said that all the years that he's spent spinning his wheels over moving up in his career and trying so hard to make work changes and make more money, this girl is gone at 18 and will never know what any of that is like.  We should be thankful for what we have and live our lives with love and peace knowing that we are loved by God, our family and friends.

In having such an emotional Sunday, it really caused me to re-examine my life, my purpose, and this blog.  One word that keeps coming to mind is "Transformation".  I want to see not only myself transform mentally and physically, but I want to see others join me in doing the same.  I want to live my life like this sweet 18 year old girl did, not knowing if it's my last day to be alive.  I want more than anything to make sure my friends know that they are loved and appreciated.  I want to go to lunch with people when it's not convenient, but it's worthwhile to my life to see that person.   I want to make challenging decisions that scare me, but fulfill me.  I want to be someone that people look back on and say "She was so happy, loved life, and she truly lived it with purpose".

I know that the posts as of lately have been serious, but I feel a small shift in the world that is propelling life towards something lovely and wonderful.  I hope that all of you start to realize your own purpose and join me on this journey.  Whether you want to lose 50 pounds and you want my support.  Whether you're struggling in your marriage and you need a listening ear.  I want to be there for that.  Maybe you're contemplating starting a family and are scared to death.  Or you are facing major life decisions that rock your world.  Life is hard but we are not meant to live it in fear.  Do the things that scare you, but that in the end, make you the person you are. 

I hope that you guys had an amazing Sunday with your close friends and family.  I pray so many blessings over each and every one of you guys reading this tonight.  May your week be filled with a new sense of purpose and drive!  Please reach out to me and let me know about your own journeys and what you are going through! I love hearing stories of how people are changing their lives!

Much love you guys!