Sunday Morning Thoughts: Words and Music to Fire You Up

A lot of you guys obviously know by the name of this blog that I'm a spin instructor. 6 years and running. One thing that absolutely drew me in from day 1 is the power of words and music, sometimes even song lyrics can get you absolutely fired up.

For some reason, as I was just writing about words, Stuart Smalley and his cardigan, bad wig and mirror came to mind...

"Because I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggoneit, people like me!"

Haha! Isn't Al Franken like a senator or something now? I hope he transforms into Stuart on the Senate floor one day, that would be hilarious.

Wow, I just derailed big time, back to the original message!

Like a lot of my students that I teach, I'm big on a killer playlist.  I love songs that motivate and a crazy beat that just pushes you up and over the hump.  I also love awesome quotes from athletes or motivational speakers that just stick with you when you hear them.  I tend to read some of these each  class and it's a great way to coach without telling people to "Add two turns of gear, I see you faking it over there." I spend a lot of time pulling together the right stuff for 45 minutes each time I teach.  One of the best pieces of advice that my spin director Jonnie gave me early on was, plan your ride and the goal of the class, and then add your music and anything you'd like to say.  It will come naturally rather than trying to be a DJ up there and please everyone.

TRUTH! And that's what I've been doing for 6 years.  Not all of my songs have words to them and some of the best rides I've done before have contained crazy instrumentals (think the soundtrack from Inception, OMG.  Will make you want to run around a track like Usain Bolt).

(Lol, look at Prince Harry.  What a geek!)

This morning, I got up knowing that I wanted to get back in the gym today before our quick 2 day trip to hang out with J's family at the beach for Labor Day.  Yesterday I did legs and my booty was super sore this morning, but alas, these hiney cheeks aren't going to get perky on their own.  I strolled up to the stairclimber, took a big deep breath (because I knew it was going to suck) and got on it.  Started my playlist and just went to town.

Now as I was pulling together my playlist this morning, I just felt in the mood for ghetto and just fun jams. I know, it's Sunday and I should probably be listening to Enya and getting all peaceful and stuff, but I just wasn't having that.

About 18 minutes into my 30 minute stair climb, B Spears lit up my world with "Work B*tch".  (Right about now,  my husband has eye rolled and said "ok yeah, I can't read this anymore!").  Now..............we all know that B Spears isn't known for being like the Mariah or Whitney of the music world.  Girlfriend likes to lip sync BUT....this song came on as I was just feeling like I wanted to quit.  That whole part that starts out "You want a hot body....", in my mind I was like "YES I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

And. I. Went. Nuts. The sweat started to pour.  The lady next to me looked over at me, smiled, and picked up her pace too.  It was just what I needed to push through.  And who doesn't want to look like B Spears 10 years ago with abs like the underside of a turtle?

And then it was like Christmas because more fun songs started to roll in...."Numb" by Usher. (Ursher, Ursher....how can you NOT love the dude, he's the bomb).

The song opens like this: "They say life is a battlefield, I say bring it on".  WHAT! Not only is the beat of this song infectious but the words are killer "Keep on doing the same old thing, and you're expecting change.  Well is that really insanity or just a loser's game".  WOW Ursher, speak the truth this morning bro.  Seriously though, that was around 22 minutes, sweat was literally all over the floor below me and it was feeling awesome.

The last song that came on was Eminem's "Til I Collapse.  How can you not get jacked listening to that chorus?  It made me want to throw my hoodie on, jump rope, tape up my hands and just start swingin' at people!

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out

Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.

Needless to say, this morning was a hard workout, but with all that inspiration flowing through my headphones, it was honestly easier than I thought it was going to be.  The lady next to me watched me get off the machine, took her headphones off, and goes "I don't know what you were listening to, but I want your playlist. You were going to town this morning!".  

Life if short you guys.  You have to capitalize on each and every day.  Not all days are awesome.  Heck, my life for the past 3 months has been a major struggle, but I keep going.  We have so much to be thankful for.  I look around me and I have a great husband, 2 awesome (sometimes obnoxious) furry children, good health, a home, and jobs.  We probably complain about all of those things way too much.  I think back to that lyric about life being a battlefield and it totally is.  But you know what? BRING IT ON! 

(but not like the Kirsten Dunst movie, you know you want to say Go Toros right about now)

Happy Sunday y'all!  Get out there and work!

Week Recap and Getting In Shape for Fall

Happy Friday Y'all!

So a few of my friends are out right now having some tequila drinks and tacos, and I'll all in my glasses, in my stretchy pants with holes, doing laundry, while Tink snoozes right next to me......and occasionally stares me in the face for a head rub.

MAN, Friday nights have changed in the past 5 years.  I'm getting old.

So I have been slack on posting since last week, sorry!  It's been quite crazy at work and I also took yesterday off in the afternoon becaussssssssssssse..................COLLEGE FOOTBALL HAS RETURNED!!!

I mean for real, 2 of my most favorite things in life are 1) Christmas, 2) College Football.  Wait, back up, 1) JESUS....you get the idea.  But seriously, fall is one of my most favorite times of year.  I've grown up going to football games and I just so happened to marry the biggest college football fanatic in the world.  So, it's tradition and how we spend our falls.  We love it.  It's fun.  I live for it every year.  Just check out my Facebook posts every Saturday if you need good entertainment :)  I'm like a dude trapped in a little short body with boobs and a loud opinion.

Check out my buddies, Shirley and Ronnie.  They are like newly married and showed up in their matching outfits.  It was epic!  Jarrett was just proud I wore something with an actual team logo.  He does not understand that most college gameday outfits for girls involve a dress and/or cowboy boots.
But it was 95 degrees in the shade yesterday and ain't nobody got time to be all dressy!

This week was a little rough between work and working out.  I managed to squeeze in 3 workouts, which was not great, so I'm attempting to get a long one in tomorrow.  #weekendwarrior  I knew that yesterday would be out the window due to our day long adventure to the game, and today was spent quietly recovering at my desk.  Lots of water and protein.  Anywho, the long weekend is upon us, and I plan on relaxing but getting in some long walks, some circuits, and maybe some more beach workout posts since we'll be on the beach for a few days with J's family.

I did manage to keep my food on track, which is amazing and a challenge within itself.  I made a big crockpot of salsa chicken on Monday and ate that all week, along with some pork chop leftovers.  Salsa chicken is just how it sounds.  Chicken breasts + salsa = crockpot awesomeness.  Just serve up with some brown rice/quinoa, avocado and black beans.  Yum! Use it on tacos, casseroles, quesadillas....you name it, it will work!

Sweet and short post tonight. I feel weird not writing more after I had 2 serious posts back to back last week.  I sat here for like a few minutes and was like "I should have more to say but............I think I got all of that out of my system last week!".  For rael though you guys,  even after all the love and support last week, every day is still a battle to come out on top with just myself.  Lots of work being done right now to get to a good place.  I thank each and every one of you for hanging in there with me. 

Happy long weekend!!!

Sunday Night Thoughts

Happy Sunday you guys!

This week has really been eye opening for me.  I received so much positive feedback from my Thursday post Learning to Cope.  All of the emails, texts, comments and Facebook messages meant so much.  I can't thank all of you enough for your love and support as I posted something super personal.  It was really empowering.  Again, thanks for all the support, brings a tear to this little southern girl's eye.  I'm just a normal woman in her thirties trying to be honest about myself, hoping that maybe I'll inspire someone out there to get happy.  

Writing that post last week made me realize that my blog is taking on a new life form.  In the past year and a half since I started writing, I've been through every high and low you can imagine.  Losing weight, struggling to stay sane while planning a wedding, marrying my best friend, struggling through the first months of marriage, job changes, gaining weight, and then deciding to hold myself accountable again by blogging and getting my health and fitness back on track.  All of that I think lead to my struggle with wanting to be perfect.  I was trying to do so much, yet I wasn't truly fulfilled.  It's really caused me to think on how I reach out to others.  What friend am I forgetting to reach out to each week? Who can I reach that I don't know, but can identify with what I'm going through? And through it all, at the end of each and every day, can I sit back and say "Today was hard, but I am truly satisfied with me?"

That last part sounded like how Carrie Bradshaw started all of her columns...

I have to share with you guys about our Sunday, because what happened I believe is truly not by accident. This morning, we got up and went to church.  We absolutely LOVE our pastor there, who has provided us some great support in the past few months.  They have wonderful programs, services, and a budding ministry.  We were both particularly excited this morning because it was our Fall Kickoff today.  It meant a new series, new teachings, and cool things to look forward to for the next few weeks.  I always find it's refreshing to start a new series, get really in depth with it and grasp all the concepts each week.  Super awesome and I love that we kick every fall off this way.

Not to mention college football is only 4 more days away....

Ok back to the Fall Kickoff. Church was PACKED this morning.  Our usual row was full, so we sat near the front.  There were chairs in the back corners.  So cool to see so many people in a full service.  As our minister Chad got up to speak, I just felt the entire room change.  He opened by telling us that an 18 year old college freshman in our congregation had passed away at 6:00 AM this morning.  She contracted a rare infection and had gotten really sick while on campus.  Her parents of course immediately rushed to take care of her last week.  Her condition got worse and she lost her fight early this morning.

We.  Were.  Stunned. 

As Chad continued to talk, I could just watch everyone around me start to hug their children or lean on their spouse's shoulder.  A life gone way too soon that impacted all of us, whether we knew her or not.  As he continued, he mentioned that even with all of the new comers in church this morning and all of the planning that took place for Fall Kickoff, that he felt lead to speak a different message.

Pause for effect.  My heart completely stopped for a second.  My dad is a retired minister and I truly know and understand how much thought, time and prayer goes into a Sunday sermon.  I watched him start his weeks off for 30 years reading and studying.  When Sunday morning rolled around, he was focused like an Olympic athlete ready to win a gold medal.  It's incredible how determined and rock solid he was all of that time.  To totally change your message is like jumping off a cliff blindfolded.  

As the sermon continued, he spoke about how we are all called to love just as Jesus loved the church. That we are to live out His message in our every day lives.  To know that life is not permanent and that our time may come today, tomorrow, or maybe 20 years from now really hit home with me. I sat next to J rubbing his hand thinking about how quickly 4 years has gone by for us, and now 9 months of marriage.  It all just keeps on going, we get older, and we truly never know what day is our last. One thing that he mentioned is that you could have all the money in the world, big houses, boats, things, but you could be surrounded by all of that and never be fulfilled.  Our fulfillment can only come from God.

WOW.  Talk about bringing my last post to the forefront of my mind. I've filled my life not really with things, but with activity.  I got involved teaching spin (which I love).  At one point 4 years ago, I taught Spanish to a small church group.  I loved that too.  I babysit sometimes.  I dog sit/house sit when I can.  We got a dog that likes to eat all kind of craziness and cause us stress.   I took on more responsibility at work at times.  In all of that, I lost time for me.  Seeing my friends.  Going to dinner with 3 girlfriends that I cherish more than they know.  Working out.  Making time for my husband when he really needed me.  Taking the time to travel to see my family. 

As the service ended, a lot of tears flowed as we remembered this sweet girl that went home early this morning.  Probably shouldn't have worn any makeup to church today, hah! As J and I drove to breakfast, he said to me something that again clicked deep within me and made me think.  He said that all the years that he's spent spinning his wheels over moving up in his career and trying so hard to make work changes and make more money, this girl is gone at 18 and will never know what any of that is like.  We should be thankful for what we have and live our lives with love and peace knowing that we are loved by God, our family and friends.

In having such an emotional Sunday, it really caused me to re-examine my life, my purpose, and this blog.  One word that keeps coming to mind is "Transformation".  I want to see not only myself transform mentally and physically, but I want to see others join me in doing the same.  I want to live my life like this sweet 18 year old girl did, not knowing if it's my last day to be alive.  I want more than anything to make sure my friends know that they are loved and appreciated.  I want to go to lunch with people when it's not convenient, but it's worthwhile to my life to see that person.   I want to make challenging decisions that scare me, but fulfill me.  I want to be someone that people look back on and say "She was so happy, loved life, and she truly lived it with purpose".

I know that the posts as of lately have been serious, but I feel a small shift in the world that is propelling life towards something lovely and wonderful.  I hope that all of you start to realize your own purpose and join me on this journey.  Whether you want to lose 50 pounds and you want my support.  Whether you're struggling in your marriage and you need a listening ear.  I want to be there for that.  Maybe you're contemplating starting a family and are scared to death.  Or you are facing major life decisions that rock your world.  Life is hard but we are not meant to live it in fear.  Do the things that scare you, but that in the end, make you the person you are. 

I hope that you guys had an amazing Sunday with your close friends and family.  I pray so many blessings over each and every one of you guys reading this tonight.  May your week be filled with a new sense of purpose and drive!  Please reach out to me and let me know about your own journeys and what you are going through! I love hearing stories of how people are changing their lives!

Much love you guys!

Learning to Cope

First and foremost, I have to give a shout out to my blogger buddy, Liz  from Charlotte, NC.  I ran across her blog about a month ago and bonded with this girl and blog stalk her probably all day every day.  If you guys want to read some truly inspirational stuff, this girl has it all.  Along with great fitness tips, recipes, and how to live like a queen, and spend like your granny.  :)  Isn't she PURDY!?!?!?!?

Seriously though, this chick is real, she loves life, and she's down 63 pounds since November 2013, and is just amazing to watch her transform.  Not only physically, this chick is DOING things.  For real y'all, check her out.  I'm literally spellbound when I go to read her posts each day.  She is fully committed to fitness and blogging and a budding writing career.   And she makes me want to get some big blonde highlights.

YOU GO GLEN COCO!!!

Back to the Thursday topic.  You guys can probably tell from recent posts and the title of this post that I've been going through some things.  Growth is a part of transition, and my life right now is one huge ball of changes.  I thought getting married would be the biggest transition, and it really has been. Just ask Jarrett about merging finances and me eyeballing every time he bought McDonalds or Taco Bell.  But it has been a great transition. After a few months of figuring out married life and how to communicate, we couldn't be happier.  Thumbs up in the marriage department. 

This is really personal for me to share, but I'm putting it out there, so here goes.  Liz has definitely rubbed off on me, she inspires me to just take a leap of faith and trust that this will inspire others.  Deep breath...3....2....1....

There are other things going on right now that have just caused me to turn inward for about 2 weeks and think.  Being on vacation helped me to rest and reset somewhat, but coming back from it was a huge shock to my system, mainly with my job.  And at the moment last Monday when I sat and shed huge tears in front of my manager over my unhappiness, I knew that I had to start dealing with me.  I've had this underlying sense of being perfect, the best, and extremely successful for a long time.  I think it started with the fact that 7 years ago, I job hopped every year because I was never satisfied with what I was doing.  I wanted something bigger, something better, just something more.  I wanted to be a director of an organization at 25, but had zero experience, so that never happened.  And now that I'm doing a big job and working a lot, it's starting to hit me that failure is inevitable, and I don't deal with that well.  

I'm a people pleaser. I've always been a yes man (well, woman). I want people to like me and praise me for a job well done.  I manage to get a great deal of that at times, but on the inside, I'm starting to notice that none of that matters to me anymore.  The hard part about everything is that knowing I'm doing a good job just doesn't click with my brain anymore.  I see small things as huge blunders.  I put pressure on myself to drive forward without any sort of notion that I'm taking on too much.  I eventually get to a point to where I look down at all my lists, notes, and projects and realize that I've put myself in a really bad spot.  And it's mostly all my fault. I don't know how to lean on others.  I don't know how to ask for help.  At the end of the day, I just can't take it anymore and I find myself angrier and more hurt than I can stand.  

I just want to stop it all, sit down, and melt into a puddle of my own tears.

What I've learned from taking the time to not share any of this publicly is that I have an issue.  And it's bled into other areas of my life.  When Jarrett and I got married, I tried so hard to be the perfect wife.  We would have small disagreements and it would ruin me.  Even prior to marriage, small things crumbled me.  I NEVER SAW MYSELF THIS WAY.  That's the kicker.  I never understood that I managed to crumble OR hold it all inside until I just started to feel devastated.  And that is what has happened to me for a solid 2 months.  

It's been hell.  

What I realized in going through all of this is something that my sweet mother in law said to me over the weekend.  We are both very alike and have similar work situations and goals.  She is also a hard worker that can get so entrenched in the grind that it's hard to pull herself out.  She said to me "you just have to do what's best for you.  And if that means you work 40 hours and stay sane sometimes, then that's what you do."

In the past two weeks, I've worked to put myself back on a level playing field.  On vacation, I started a fitness routine again and just wanted to keep going with it when I got home.  While I was at the beach, I took time each day to be quiet, pray, and think about things.  I took time to talk to my husband about dreams and aspirations and his support with all that I've gone through.  I don't know when I stopped needing to lean on someone, but I did. I thought that I could handle everything on my own and just do what I could to survive. 

But that just isn't enough anymore.

Scaling back is a big deal to me.  You are talking to a girl that leaves work at 5, comes home, and turns on the computer for 2 more hours.  Or comes in early to start the day tackling what I didn't get done yesterday. I was going nowhere with it.  I could not dig my way out of the hole.  And the hard part is, I'm heading into what will be a busy work season, so I know that things will be super crazy throughout the next few months.  On top of football season.  On top of all sorts of life changes.  On top of a dog that howls and wants to take over our bed all the time. On top of trying to get myself into tip top shape just to be good at that too.

I just have to slow down.  I have to take care of myself.  I have to sit on the couch with my husband at night, watch our Netflix, and just be there.  I can't be distracted by 1000 emails, phone calls and texts that further drive me into a state of chaos.

I have to learn to say no.

My sister is probably reading this and cheering right now. (My boss is probably reading this going CRAAAAAAAAP!) I've struggled with boundaries in my life for a long time and she's been talking to me literally for 15 years on making better ones.  I listen, I usually do better, but I've let them dissolve.  But in the past 2 weeks, I found new ones that I think are way better than setting boundaries made out bubbles, or feathers, or something not strong at all.  This isn't me saying I'm not willing to work hard or take myself to the next level.  This is me saying I have to go the speed limit instead of 10 miles over.

I've decided to do my job, do it well, but do what I can within my limits and not drown all the time.

I'm taking more time to spend with my family.  If that means a weekend out of town to play putt-putt with my dad, then so be it.  A social life is no longer at the top of my priority list. 

I'm supporting my husband in his endeavors.  Because he's supported me.  That's just what we do. He is holding me up with all of his might right now and I can't thank him enough.  He's my rock and my soft place to land every day.  And I love him for pointing out to me that I had a problem.  And needed help.

I'm getting back to a place to where I leave (most days) at 5 and leave it until the next day.  That all may change soon, but I have to plan ahead.  It's as simple as that.

I'm going to make time to bust my butt in the gym throwing around heavy things.  I did this last year.  I am doing it again this year.  And I can be stronger than ever if I just try.  I watched a girl squat around 155 pounds last night and wanted to be like her.  And I can. It's not about being all beast mode anymore.  It's about being healthy for the rest of my life.  And I'm the happiest when I'm in shape. 

More than anything, I'm not letting ME derail ME again.  I'm learning to cope with a new way of thinking.  It. SUCKS.  I'm 32 years into a groove and now have to learn how to break out of this mold.  I can't be everything to everyone all the time.  I have to be Rebecca.  A hard worker.  A good wife.  A good daughter and daughter in law.  A good sister. And a good friend.  Above that, I have to be good to me.  I have to slow down. I have to take the time to change.

Before I get a thousand Facebooks, texts and calls asking "ARE YOU OK!!!!!!!!!", I am :)  In fact, I feel more peace than I have in a long time.  Do I still have stressful days? Sure thing.  I had one yesterday.  But I managed it better.  I didn't melt down.  I didn't give up.  I didn't shove Nutella up in my grill.  I just dealt with it, and let today be a new day.

Thanks for letting me share this.  It's scary and really tough, but I needed to be honest with all of you that follow me.  I'm not perfect.  And I don't ever plan on being perfect :)