Throwback Thursday....or Turn Back Time Thursday....Whatevs!

You guys for real seriously know that I thought that TBT stood for Turn Back Time like a few months back righhhhhhht??? Like Cher did? Like, woah, can I ride on a tank and sing? That would be fabulous.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase. I decided that today I would turn back the clock a little bit to show you guys some photos of lil' ole me before I became chubby.  Goal photos if you will, because I'd like to look like like some of theses photos again at some point. Now one thing I won't do yet is show a progress photo (because it's throwback Thursday, not throwFORWARD Thursday), but I'm on tap for that next week.

Good things are happening in the world of working out and eating clean :) Like looser pants.  Except when I decide to forgo underwear when I'm in a hurry, then I have to be careful bending over.  Truth!

This is how I feel right now and also how I feel looking back at some of these pictures.

SKINNY FACE AND ARMS! (but big boobs woo hoo!) OMG, I really think this is like 7 years ago.  I was so young! I went to spend a weekend with my friend Cass and her family before she moved and went to pharmacy school.  I literally cried like we had broken up after 10 years of dating when I waved goodbye and pulled away from our rental house.  It was for real a moment in forming a solid friendship forever. But we had an awesome time and were hotties back then.

Alaska Trip 2009 with my family.  I was seriously in good shape here and training for a half marathon that December.  And I loved my hair like this.  Total blast, want to go back, even if it does meaning that I hear my dad snore for a week (love you Dids)!  YES we all stayed in one room (4 of us)...because my dad  is pretty much Clark Griswold.

J and I had just started dating here in 2010.  This was literally one of our first football games together.  Look how skinny our mugs were!  I also dyed my hair koolaid red because J likes redheads. Oops!  This is way before we discovered craft beer and late night pizza.

Last but not least, Goosewing Ranch, Jackson Hole Wyoming 2011. LOVED this vacation and my hair color :)  At this point, I had discovered all the food and the reason you only see my face in this picture is it was honestly the only picture I felt good about. Pictures of me on horses that week, I won't show to anyone...170 pounds.  Ugh. Sad.

Now, here are a few things that I can glean from these pictures.  

First picture, WOW, so young, still a baby, and what a great time.  We get older, we change (hopefully for the better), but we all know that it's a struggle to look like you did 7 years ago.  I mean, I would give anything for my pant size during that time and the awesome thigh muscles I had, and I know I can get there now. But back then, I also still could go out all night, drink and eat bad, and not have a hangover hardly.

(And what I wouldn't give for no crows feet.  May Botox be your best friend in your 30s!)

I look at the second picture of myself in Alaska and man, that was an amazing time in my life.  I was really independent for the first time, had the greatest apartment ever, and was living the dream.  I was also eating super healthy, running 3-5 times a week and lifting weights.  I remember right after that trip going through a really awful break up, getting even skinnier from emotional strain, and then pushing myself to still run that half marathon because I truly wanted to prove to myself I could do big things.  And I did.

Third picture brings back so many great memories.  Meeting Jarrett truly was life changing. I had never met a man that was so compassionate and that just wanted to love me, not compete with me.  He was the rock to my craziness.  Still is.  (You guys really have no idea, he puts up with a lot).

What I remember about this photo is that we truly were having a ball and we were big time runners.  We would run every weekend that he came to visit me. (I can probably say stay now, I mean, my granny isn't on the Facebook).  We ran at night, we ran some pretty scenic routes in town, and we pushed each other.

AND THEN...life got in the way!

Just kidding, it really didn't, just food and beverage got in the way :) 

That last picture brings back so many memories.  While I had a great time with my parents on that trip, I remember being super self conscious of my body.  Lots of loose and flowy clothes.  Its funny, your family is your mirror sometimes.  I know that my parents truly would love me at any size.  But I LOVE MY DAD for saying to me "I think you can do better, this is the biggest you've ever been".  He was totally right.  I was teaching spin, getting bigger every day, and not even thinking twice about it.  I was in love for the first time in a really long time and I just let myself go.  I think it's funny that we call it gaining "happy" weight because ok yeah, all those good meals and snacks were awesome, but I wasn't happy after I ate them.  I sure as crap wasn't happy when I split my favorite pair of jeans in the crotch because my thighs had gotten too big.  I do love this picture, but the difference in my face in a few years speaks volumes to how I was treating my body.  All the chubbiness just continued to build up.  Amazingly enough, my now-husband still proposed to me in the midst of being on the larger side and loved me through it.  He's seen me go up and down and still watches me struggle.  I'm just glad that he loves me enough to not judge me.

All of that being said, you have to find your own happiness and own it no matter what season of life you're in.   I'm echoing a fellow blogger today after reading about her struggle with happiness and I am so glad she addressed her own personal journey. I was happy in all of these pictures no matter what my size.  I struggled and I went up and down, but I truly was still having an amazing time in life.  I didn't let anything hold me back.  I went through 2 career changes, amazing trips across the country and to international spots, new friends, old friends, relationships, and changes in my family.  7 years ago, I couldn't handle what I can now.  

We get older, we get wiser, we get better.

Find yourselves some truth you guys.  Life is much better when you're living for you and throttling yourself towards an awesome existence.  It's the reason I stay motivated to work out, run, walk my dog, maybe even just power-walk through my hood like I'm the Prancercise Lady.  It doesn't matter what I'm doing, I just keep on going, even if I do look like a dingbat.

You know you are TRULY happy with yourself when you can be this confident in your camel toe and still put yourself out there in some ginormous pearls.  GET IT PRANCERCISE LADY!