The Struggle is Real

Y'all. I'm back to the grind.  Meaning....I had a training assessment with an awesome personal trainer and friend of mine this morning.  And now I'm sitting here chugging water and eating a Trader Joe's arugula, couscous and chicken salad for lunch. Yummy.  (True story, it's actually good, and I love healthy food).  I'm now strategically planning out next month's workouts since I have four weeks until I go back to work.

I don't even want to talk about how depressing that is.  4 more weeks with my munchkin.  Makes me sad.  Like my hero Scarlett O'hara said, "I'll think about that tomorrow".

Back to the story at hand. I looked at myself in the gym mirrors today with fresh eyes taking in a more shapely, rounded out Rebecca.  It was tough, because prior to getting pregnant, I was in full on beast mode throwing around heavy weights and doing things like 150 pound sled pushes while grown men stared at me with their jaws open. It was awesome.  I felt really strong and really proud of myself. 

Not that I didn't love being pregnant and proud of myself for bringing into the world the most BEAUTIFUL little nugget ever.  

(Insert shameless baby photo op here)...

COULD YOU DIE AT THE CUTENESS!?!?!?!?!?

I digress....

The other part of being proud of myself while pregnant was that I walked, I did yoga, Pilates and I pretty much ate lots of healthy stuff all along.  I indulged from time to time.  The last 3 months were incredibly taxing both mentally and physically. And at the end of everything, I gained 32 pounds.  Nothing terrible! And I had a pretty grueling labor ending up in surgery. 8 weeks out, I'm not in any pain and I am starting to feel back to normal. I have run some and even lifted some weights on my back porch.  I'm not where I need to be, but hey it's a start. 

But I got on that rowing machine this morning, rowed 1000 meters, and got a good side glance of myself in those mirrors. 

Those thighs y'all....well those got bigger.  I pulled in and out and felt my flabby stomach hit my knees over and over again and was like....well dang, that's new. I felt the soreness in my legs for the first time after rowing and thought....I used to bust out 1000 meters in no time, surely I can do it again. It took close to 6 minutes.  My butt looks like an extension of my back and has gotten flat. I definitely don't have "back" for right this moment. Hello pancake butt. 

The struggle is real.  Growing a human turned me into a soft and paunchy short lady that looks a lot different and hides behind maternity jeans and flowy shirts for now.  I have stretch marks all over my stomach. Can you say "tankini for the rest of my life"? My knees are creakier. That salad was good, but my husband's late night pizza in the fridge is calling my name, but I'm fighting the good fight.  "The girls" need their own zip code.  Good LORD. I think a plastic surgery fund may be in order.

I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself.  In fact, I was lying on an operating table hacked open about 8 weeks ago this time unable to feel anything below my boobs giving birth to the sweetest little girl.  As I was talking with my trainer yesterday about why I wanted to train, my main reason is to be strong for my daughter.  She needs to see mommy doing squats and lunges, running around with suns out guns out, and know that it's OK to be a girly girl, but you can do a serious dead lift if you need to.  She needs to know that mommies and daughters can be physically strong, and be strong for their families too. Being a good role model for her is just my thing and has been my goal all along. 

Thing is, having a child makes you re-evaluate your life.  Your concern for yourself becomes 2nd to that little tiny lifeform that depends on you for so much.  Try texting someone while feeding an infant and watch the rage take place when you don't hold the bottle just right. But in the end, I have to be healthy for this little girl and I'm diving back in headfirst. I am the heaviest I've ever been (well, minus at 9 months pregnant), but I'm excited to see where I am in a few weeks. 

Like Jax Teller said..."I got this"...

Stay tuned, new posts to follow after starting training next week!